“And the further he went, the longer was his way back”
“en hoe verder hij ging , des de langer was zijn terugweg ~ CSS Crone”
This little poem is on the building at Utrecht Station (netherlands) and in english it means:
“And the further he went, the longer was his way back”
And this made me think about how easily we travel to far down a path, and at some point we realize that we might not want to be there but we have gone so far down that it seems so hard to travel back. This could be applied to a career, relationship, a habit or even a lie.
“To be able to look back on ones life in satisfaction , is to live twice ~ Kahlil Gibran”
It is not all about me
So as a working mommy (who is also busy immigrating to the Netherlands- story for another time), most of my day is spent on planning, executing, planning and executing and making sure stuff gets done.
This includes brushing kids teeth, breakfast, packing lunches, clean faces and clean clothes. Everything in your bag for work, everything in their bags for school! What is for dinner, make sure it gets defrosted at least.
So needless to say when you are finally driving to school and you look at your angel just to see the nights sleepiness is still on her face, or realizing you forgot your shoes at home (flip flops to the office it will be). The littlest angel did not brush her teeth!! And inside me I don’t really freak out, no for me it feels different it feels like failure, which now in turn makes us shout at the kids, almost crashing the car from just loosing our shit.
So you see as a mommy we feel it is our role and responsibility to make sure all the things above did happen and happened properly ☺. And last night I Realized that by making myself feel like a failure: “I am making it all about me!”
When you think about it, it is not for us to feel proud because we checked, double checked, shouted where needed and got stuff done. It should be about your child, helping them to get ready, helping them have clean teeth and clothes. Teaching them why we should have these items clean and neat.
If you feel like a failure, imagine what your 5 year old must feel like on a daily basis when getting stuff wrong. They fail a hundred times more than what we do and they dont freak out (ok maybe somedays they do)
So for me from here on, no more micromanaging my tasks to the point of failure! But celebrating our failures as lessons learned and being mindful of my feelings as well as my little ones feelings 🙂
liefde vir jou is al wat ek wens
Liefde vir jou is al wat ek wens dat iemand jou sal lief hê net soos jy is vir wie jy is sonder voorskrifte sonder skuld
Love is all I wish for you, someone who will love you just the way you are, for who you are, without prescription, without guilt
Grateful is my soul today
When I look at you
I see in your eyes
Lost
a Brother
When I look at you
I see in your eyes
Lost
a Lover
When I look at you
I see in your eyes
Lost
a Loved One
all far to soon
When I listen to you
I hear the
Anger
of All the things said
When I listen to you
I hear the
Sadness
of all the things never said
When I listen to you
I hear the
Quite
of all the things we hide
all far to late
Grateful is my soul today
For all the things that my Heart it let go
For all the things my Heart forgives
For all the things my Heart accepts
There’s A Crazy Woman Living In My Head
en we need to let our people take care of us and then be there for our people when it’s their turn. We need to stop being perfect and
Love left behind
Love left behind
I heard a song of love
Love that did not move on
For how long will your heart desire the one?
Grateful today my heart found a love and left behind desires untrue
May your heart find love
Searching for content
I have enough, content fills me
But somedays and i n some moments I find myself feeling empty, anxious, guilty…searching!
Someone at work linked the word Searching to my profile on a team building exercise…and curious to understand, I asked why? cause you are always searching, he replied. You search for reasons and meanings and ways. You are always searching to understand why something happened and how it works.
That feeling that I someday have is ‘Searching’, I seldom have a calmness about me. Inside I am planning and thinking and wondering. Sometimes scared of what I might find.
This made me realize that we are all searching, we have a beastly hunger for more. We are all searching, for better careers, better lovers, nicer homes, more money, better ways of being and doing !!
I can only hope that our searches will lead us to better ways and not just more ways of messing things up. There is a thin line between finding everything you need and everything you want. The one will set you free the other will enclose you.
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