“And the further he went, the longer was his way back”

“en hoe verder hij ging , des de langer was zijn terugweg ~ CSS Crone”

This little poem is on the building at Utrecht Station (netherlands) and in english it means:

“And the further he went, the longer was his way back”

And this made me think about how easily we travel to far down a  path, and at some point we realize that we might not want to be there but we have gone so far down that it seems so hard to travel back. This could be applied to a career, relationship, a habit or even a lie.

“To be able to look back on ones life in satisfaction , is to live twice ~ Kahlil Gibran”

Sometimes we hide

Sometimes we hide
Behind work
Behind busy schedules
Behind a beer
Behind a smoke

To afraid to face ourselves
What we have become
To afraid to face our feelings
To afraid to feel

We hide our sadness
Our despair
Our uncertainty
Our weaknesses

Behind brave faces
Behind fake smiles
Behind half truths

Convincing ourselves of what we are
Where we are
Who we are
What we have
What we have become…is good
Is enough
Is it good? Is it enough?

Do we need some time to come out of hiding and face that what we feel?

Yolo xx

It is not all about me

So as a working mommy (who is also busy immigrating to the Netherlands- story for another time), most of my day is spent on planning, executing, planning and executing and making sure stuff gets done.

This includes brushing kids teeth, breakfast, packing lunches, clean faces and clean clothes. Everything in your bag for work, everything in their bags for school! What is for dinner, make sure it gets defrosted at least.

So needless to say when you are finally driving to school and you look at your angel just to see the nights sleepiness is still on her face, or realizing you forgot your shoes at home (flip flops to the office it will be). The littlest angel did not brush her teeth!! And inside me I don’t really freak out, no for me it feels different it feels like failure, which now in turn makes us shout at the kids, almost crashing the car from just loosing our shit.

So you see as a mommy we feel it is our role and responsibility to make sure all the things above did happen and happened properly ☺. And last night I Realized that by making myself feel like a failure: “I am making it all about me!”

When you think about it, it is not for us to feel proud because we checked, double checked, shouted where needed and got stuff done. It should be about your child, helping them to get ready, helping them have clean teeth and clothes. Teaching them why we should have these items clean and neat.

If you feel like a failure, imagine what your 5 year old must feel like on a daily basis when getting stuff wrong. They fail a hundred times more than what we do and they dont freak out (ok maybe somedays they do)

So for me from here on, no more micromanaging my tasks to the point of failure! But celebrating our failures as lessons learned and being mindful of my feelings as well as my little ones feelings 🙂

Grateful is my soul today

When I look at you

I see in your eyes

Lost

a Brother

 

When I look at you

I see in your eyes

Lost

a Lover

 

When I look at you

I see in your eyes

Lost

a Loved One

 

all far to soon

 

When I listen to you

I hear the

Anger

of All the things said

 

When I listen to you

I hear the

Sadness

of all the things never said

 

When I listen to you

I hear the

Quite

of all the things we hide

 

all far to late

 

Grateful is my soul today

For all the things that my Heart it let go

For all the things my Heart forgives

For all the things my Heart accepts